Welcome to my blog, my name's BearInTheShadow. I started this blog just to give a run down of my day, how I'm feeling, and other little tid-bits I think of plopping onto your lap.
I'm 18 and in high school. I'm a senior this year!! Woo! Can't believe how long it has been, but I admit it seems short when I think about it. At times it's dreadful, like when I'm sitting by myself and thinking about all the crap that has happened. Yet it's almost to much fun to comprehend when I'm out there on the field, throwing my weight around.
I've had about, oh, sixteen girlfriends? Usually two every year or so. Sometimes more, depends on how much I open myself up. You know how it is, sometimes you want to spend time with another, but other times you would rather just tackle and take out people on the field. So far I haven't found Mrs. Right. Although, secretly, only to you guys, I would love to try with a guy.
Yes, I'm... Let me take a breath. I'm Bisexual. A big ol' bear like myself wants a guy to hold and be held. It feels silly in my head, yet I can't stop it from nudging me like an annoying classmate. I have a best friend who I sorta wish was bi or gay, but, I've known him for so long and he doesn't even seem interested in guys or girls. Doesn't get jealous when I happen to find some girl or have some party to attend when I'm scheduled with him already. We have something I'd rather never loose than risk by making it something more.
I'm shallow, I know. But why does he make it so easy? Why do I allow myself to do that? I guess I'm weak, kinda dumb, insensitive, but nobody has yet to treat me any differently... Except him. If he ever read this or I ever told him. I feel like I'd loose him. That it would be the last straw.
Damn, I'm making myself feel down. This was supposed to be my little journal, not some weep and bawl story.
Tomorrow is my weekend. Friday! Woo~ Supposed to hang with him. Did you know we sleep in the same bed? Crazy, I know, but we've done it so long, it has almost become normal. Almost.
Sometimes we go somewhere, other times we just hang at home, say hi to my father or mother if they happen to be around. Which is rarely, but I've developed somewhat well without them.
Well, here's a question you'll probably wonder about, have I even done anything with a guy?
Psh, yeah of course. It was with my friend, yes, that friend. But it was like, what, when we were eight? I barely remember much, just some sucking, fondling. We only did it once, though. I felt to uncomfortable at the time, said I didn't want to even talk about it.
I guess he felt the same way, agreed and stuff.
Well, it is getting late. I'm pretty much beat, not for a shower and sleep. Don't think I'll paw off tonight, football practice was a killer.
Night my faithful furries. <3
